and what if we can't remember the bad times?

This movie left me feeling quite unsettled. Before I watched it I would always joke about wanting to remove certain memories or memories of certain people because they were painful to look back on, but now I have absolutely no desire to do so. Memory is such a normal part of life that you forget how pivotal it is to every action that you make. Everything you do is influenced by something that has happened in your past. Your very identity depends upon everything you experience through out a lifetime.

Joel was a very melancholy character and his views of memory at first seemed to so skewed. He had no true concept of what his memories of Clementine did for him as a person. It really bothered me that he was so willing to erase her from his mind simply because she had done the same with her memories for him. What else really gets me is that he is a person who appeared to think about everything and its possible repurcussions and yet he still agreed to have the memory removal procedure done. I couldn't imagine ever making such a decision lightly or doing it simply to be vindictive. As he was going through the process he suddenly came into the realization of the magnitude of his decision on the rest of his life.

What also intrigued me was how the director portrayed the inevitability of Clementine and Joel becoming part of eachothers lives again. Before they met they were trying so hard to find someone to fill the void that their lives had become. Then, when they met they were able to find that in eachother. I am surprised that the doctor did not warn them that they would eventually find eachother again to fill the same void. They would be right back to where they were before they met so their attraction was inevitable. The memories are simply erased their tastes and their feelings are not altered.

It really bothered me that Harvey kept Mary around after he erased the memory of the affair he had with her. It shows that he saw his ability to remove memories as more of a power rather than a help to his patients. It was his way of exhibiting control over a world that is meant to be entirely out of control. You would think he would recognize that the memories still linger even after they are erased. Mary was not subtle with her attraction to Harvey. It was as though he wanted to keep her around just in case he wanted to mess around on his wife again. Afterwards he could simply coerce her again to undego the procedure to "erase" the memory from her mind.

I was also really bothered by the fact that he and Stan kept the procedure going on Joel after he was showing extreme signs of resistance. A normal human being would observe such a reaction and make the assumption to stop the procedure rather than complete it to prevent any further complications. It was as though Harvey was afraid of admitting his treatment did not positively impact his clients and that it was, in fact, a complete failure.

After watching this movie I am more and more thankful for every memory that I have. Each one whether painful or happy greatly affects who I am. Life can not simply be a stream of happy moments because then people would be living a life with goals or aspirations. Pain and difficulty are necessary for growth. Each makes an individual evaluate a situation and make predictions about the possible effect its going to have on their life. After they have made the decision they then can reflect upon as to whether or not it affected their life in the way they had hypothesized. Gratification would be nothing with out failure. Love can not be felt with out some understanding of pain and loss. Pain is forever imprinted in our memories along with the good memories as a way for an individual to prepare themself for the next step in life.

This movie also brings up thoughts of repressed memory with me. I wonder what would happen if a person was forced to tap into a repressed memory before their body allowed them to recall it. Would it have as durastic effects as wiping away a memory? I think it would. Each person is equipped to deal with each situation differently. If a person is never able to reach a level where they can recall this memory, however, what happens? This question really bothers me. Do they continue to live on with out a care in the world or do they feel as though their "skin doesn't fit" because a pivotal moment in their personal development is left out. In the case of my sister it caused her to be stuck in a childlike state late into her twenties. She is finally recalling some of these repressed memories and the growth she has shown as an adult is unbelievable.

I believe that with out painful memories that a person becomes immobilized and loses what makes them human. Pain can stir so many different emotions from individuals. After the person reacts they begin to analyze their reactions. This raises the "Why? question. Without this people would lack the ability to understand. With understanding comes empathy and sympathy. How can one feel either if they have never felt pain or have no recollection of pain?
Joel mentioned after the procedure how he didn't feel like a whole person and Clementine mentioned feeling as though her skin didn't fit. They both lost something that their identities depended on in its definition of itself. They were missing parts of the whole.

It also brings up how pain draws people together. They seek solace or release from one another and this then creates a bond. Granted this is the only thing that bonds people together, but it is one of the more prominent. When you admit to being pain whether it be emotionally or physically you are making yourself vulnerable to the other person. This vulnerability is a sign of trust and afterwards a bond will be facilitated between you and the other individual because you were willing to expose so much. You become more aware of the other person and how they work when they discuss wit you at length why they are hurting. This again helps you see the individual as a whole rather than just in bits and pieces.

So the basic conclusion that to experience pain and to understand and overcome is part of what makes a person a person. It helps to define them and to explain their later actions. Erasing any sort of painful memory would be like removing a limb from your emotional and mental body. Pain is necessary for growth. If you are missing it you are forced to repeat what you lost as Joel and Clementine have to at the end of the movie.